I'm not who I was

It is a blessing to live close to those who have known you forever. They know all your intricacies and the quirks that make you who you are. They know your past so there's no awkward conversations trying to explain why you are the way you are and how you got this way. Sometimes they don't know how to help you move forward. They remember who you were and see you that way always. They see who you were in those inconvenient growing stages like being a teenager...you know what I mean! I don't know about you, but I'm not who I was then. I don't think the same way or like the same things or make the same choices. I have opinions about things now that I'd never heard of or experienced then. I am still me, but better, and still growing by the magnificent grace of God. As parents we don't want our children to be different than we were or are. We want to live vicariously through them. We want them to make choices different than ours. We want them to live our lives, only better. But our children are not ours. It's not up to us how they live their lives. God's will is infinitely better than what we could even imagine. We have to let go. Push our birdies out of the safe nest and out into whatever God's will holds for them. And we have to respect that we might not always agree with what God has chosen for them or what they feel God is leading them towards.

I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how I'm not who I was. Brandon Heath

180 Movie

The One Where I'm Just Well Done

It's one of those mornings where both my kiddos want to crawl under my skin...clingy, whiney, completely unsatisfied with ANY. THING.

Little man woke up at his typical 5:30am waited until 7am to eat and then wanted to go promptly back to bed.  I'd have been a fool to not comply :)

Little Miss, however, has just potty learned at a little over 3 years old, and is taking to holding her pee so she can play longer.  And just forget about the dirty side of potty learning.  Slow and steady...she'll get out of pull-ups for that soon (we hope).  She also switched to a toddler bed!  Now, if only she'd stay in bed long enough for her to fall asleep...

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD:

and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Psalm 127:3 (KJV)

I've been AWOL here lately.  It's the time of year hubby and I get scared.  Both our kids were born at the end of October.  Little Man came when Little Miss was just 15 months old and was born the week before her 2nd birthday.  Let's just say Little Man has reached 15 months now and it's *that* time of year.  Playing it safe isn't always safe enough.

As humans we want to control every. thing.  *ESPECIALLY* when it comes to family planning.  Being smart while surrendering total control to God is scary for us.

A baby would financially devastate us right now.  We're just looking up out of the valley we are in.  It's a long climb out from where we are.  We want God's will in our lives and for our family.  But our controlling human spirits *really* don't want our next baby to come in the midst of this.

And so at this time of this year we wait, stress, worry about things we should not control, and pray.

Philippians 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Taking a Quick Breather

As if the holiday season isn't frantic enough, our home was blessed with RSV, bronchiolitis, ear infections, and bloodwork.  All of this just for Little Man. Little Miss had a cold which she insisted we all share in, of course :)

A little info about the bloodwork:  When Little Man was born, he was diagnosed with Primary Carnitine Deficiency courtesy of his newborn screen.   (Don't Google it, you'll be terrified.)  We were set up with a geneticist and genetic counselor and traveled to Baltimore and had enough testing between him and myself that we ought to be prunes now.

 In September 2011, things were still unclear and we took a radical step and took him off his medicine (4x a day) for 3 months and then we'd do more tests.  We had the testing done right before Christmas, and we waited...and waited...and this morning I got the results.

Little Man's liver has normalized and is functioning 100% and we DO NOT have a primary carnitine deficiency after all!!!  There are some minor details to bear in mind during future pregnancies, but he's just a normal boy now.  Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow!

Additionally, we await the scheduling of an appointment for Little Miss in Baltimore or Philadelphia with a plastic surgeon.  (We don't think she's beautiful enough so she's going in for a few tweaks)  *NOT REALLY!*

See the dark spot on her cheek, back near her ear?  Well, it's been there for a couple months at least and we do not know where it came from or what it is.  It feels like there's something inside it.  We'd love to find out that she somehow got a pencil point jammed in her face, but we do not know how or when that would have happened without her flipping out about a boo-boo, etc.  SO...we have to see a plastic surgeon about having it removed.  Pray that the appointment will get scheduled soon and we can put this all behind us!

As a final note, Little Mitten Man is no more :) Little Man was able to take off his mittens much sooner than anticipated and have a super fun Christmas using his tiny hands. Just a little tender and red.  What a blessing!

Give Thanks-ing

At our home, Thanksgiving day was wonderful.  This year we were with my family at my grandparents' farmhouse. We had the massive turkey and just about anything else you can imagine to stuff into your face!  Talk about a classic :)  

On our way home, we headed to my in-laws home for a quick visit before heading the kids home to bed.  All was well until we went to leave...and heard little man scream.  I was in the same room with him, but with my back turned.  All I can say for sure is I felt sick when I turned and saw him fallen in front of the gas heater screaming in pain.  

Out came the ice cubes!  As we looked him over, we are so blessed that only his little hands were burned.  He was so tired and in pain that we couldn't get him calmed.  Little Miss came running in hearing her brother screaming and was so very upset.  Hubby and I ended up leaving her with her grandparents playing with play-doh and taking a miserable baby home alone.  

Once home, he was able to nurse a tiny bit and fall asleep.  Waiting for a call back from his pediatrician's office, we put him in his bed.  Of course, as predicted, we were sent to the ER for evaluation.  

Second degree burns covering both palms and fingers.  After a call to Hopkin's Pediatric Burn Center, they bandaged him up and sent us home with a goody bag of medical supplies to keep him mittened.

Now, he's healing.  He's teething with 4 molars at once and has chewed open 2 finger blisters.  His left palm burst this morning.  We've upped the ante with bandages and even put socks over them to help prevent chewing as much as possible!  We head for our follow up visit tomorrow morning.  I'm expecting them to debrid :(  I know it's healthy, but we're talking about my baby here.  PRAY that God would continue to bless Little Mitten Man with a gentle countenance and pliable spirit.  (and that Mommy and Daddy will get some small measure of rest one night soon since LMM sleeps in our room)  

"...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."                                                                                                          

1 Thes. 5:18

Some Days Are just....well, yeah

Today I am thanking my God for the gift of a longtime friend who worked a deal for us to get the kiddos to a chiropractor.  Taylor went today for the first time, and it was amazing, and she has 4 spots that needed help.  We'll be heading back 2 more times this week for her adjustments.  Maybe after she's straight we'll schedule Logan's check-me-out.

This sums up how I felt today...sorry he felt that way too!

my sunshine. period.

l. o. v. e. my sweet little man

they really, seriously, do love each other

These are what we spent our afternoon doing instead of napping.  Praise Jesus that my dear mama takes great photos.  These are the kiddos 3 & 1 year portraits.  They were tired. Their mama is stressed. Logan is getting 4 molars at once...very slowly I might add.  Taylor doesn't grasp the concept of "look here"  so there's a LOT of shenanigans involved in getting her to look the correct direction.  But, I must say that out of the bajillion pics we got I love even the bad ones because it's my beautiful babies :)  I've never tried crack, but it's fair to say that they are my crack.  I'm that addicted to these lovebugs.  I love my life :)

Just a couple more to show off.  I know that's wrong, but I think they're a hoot!  Hope y'alls week got off to an equally grand start.  Here's to Tuesday!!!!!

So you think I'm a snob...

Can't tell you how many times I've heard people whispering this about me or had friends say they used to think this about me.  Let me share a bit with you on this:

I am an introvert.  I am quiet by nature.  I observe everyone very closely before opening my mouth or sometimes even before making my presence known.  I wanted to become a sociologist and study people for a living.  I should have stuck with it.  It's what I do.  Everyday.  I watch people.  Creepy, right ?!  Ha!

I am a closet extrovert.  I used to enjoy taking pills because they took me out of my head and I could be the person I think I should have been if my life could be different.  I was fun. And funny.  I had lots of friends around me all the time.  I dream of being friends with lots of people, but in reality my circle is actually quite minuscule.  It takes a lot for me to call you friend.  I don't easily trust, and I don't put myself "out there" often.

My brother and momma are extroverts.  I want to be like them.  But I am not; I am just me.  Much to their annoyance at times.  They can be loud and draw in an entire room.  They like to have fun and do so frequently.

If you are in search of a great support person behind the scenes, I'm your girl.  I'll love you even when you fail and I'll drink coffee with you any time.  I need caffeine to function, so I'm always up for a cup o' joe.  If you need a shopping partner, I'm there.  I love to shop for deals especially.  My highschool buddy used to recommend everyone Christmas shop with me.  My door is always open and my heart is always ready to listen and support.  I love me, most of the time. How about you?

Wahoo for babies!

So the sweet newborn guy I'm watching was born this morning at 1:51am!  The Dr's were figuring the due date to be more like Dec. 6th, so I was shocked to get the call.  SO EXCITED!  I've been missing having a baby around, and although we would welcome more babies, it's surely up to our God and not us, and now really isn't the best timing anyway.

Dumpling boy and sitting next to me here going through a bag of sippy cups trying them out, of course.  What a sweet little peanut he is.  His poor sister, Pumpkin, is so full of drama.  Typical girl, right?

I am lucky enough to stay home with my babies, taking care of our house for as long as we have it.  I live on coffee, could use a bit of sleep...and energy..., and obviously have a fairly random thought process if this post is any clue to the directions my brain takes.

I'm trying to get healthier and branch out my tastes; hubby is not.  I'm a plan ahead-er and list maker (for what it's worth anyway) and never have enough hours in a day to do what I desire.  I dream of having a craft room again like I had in my parents basement where I can paint, and sort through my thoughts and emotions.

I cloth diaper here at home.  I wish I were ambitious enough to make it work full-time, but I am a lazy mom.  I have enough to do already that doesn't get done, so why add to it?  I've recently become hooked on prefolds and covers...totally old-school, right?!  Econobum is fairly rocking my world there.  If you like something other than prefolds, I'd totally recommend Babykicks 3g's.  I had heard of them, and I knew, sorta, that they were based right in my hometown of Salisbury, MD, but until I received one in a swap I had never tried one.  I'm all about cheap and I just can't see putting $20 into a diaper...even though I know it's worth it and saves in the long run from buying 'sposies.  If I could have a couple diapers from each brand to try out, I'd be in love.  I am just obsessed with trying and reviewing cloth dipes and figuring out what works for us.  As a side note, the best cloth wipes I've found are baby washcloths and water.  Why bother with a wipes solution when God gave us water?!  Their heineys are clean and happy and we don't fight rashes, so why fix what ain't broke?

I suppose I've rambled enough, but I just needed to get back on here and jump in!

What If

What if you're right

He was just another nice guy

What if you're right?

What if it's true?

They say the cross will only make a fool of you

And what if it's true?



What if he takes his place in history

With all the prophets and the kings

Who taught us love and came in pease

But then the story ends

What then?


But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?

You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you're wrong?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

It's in the sliences
The words you never say
Always starts the same way

I promise you
From the bottom of my heart
I will love you til death do us part
I promise you
As a lover and a friend
I will love you like I'll never love again
With everything I am

I see you look at me
When you think I'm not aware
You're searching for clues
Of just how deep my feelings are
How do you prove the sky is blue
The ocean's wide
All I know is what I feel

Oh, there are no guarantees

What I'm trying to say to you

You're everything I am

With everything I am

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart